Archive for the ‘Politically incorrect humour’ category

GM has high hopes for new La Raza

June 2, 2013

Detroit – General Motors unveiled a new mid-sized SUV/ people career this week which is specially targeting at America’s growing Hispanic population

Set against a South-western desert back drop, the new Chevrolet La Raza appeared at this week’s motor show in militant red with garish chrome wheels, adjustable hydraulic suspension, red, green and white interior trim and black tinted windows.

CEO Mark Wornbearing hopes to win over at least 20 percent of Hispanic new car buyers with the La Raza, which has a number of features specifically designed for Hispanic motorists:

“The La Raza has been meticulously designed from the ground up with the Hispanic market in mind. It has more than adequate seating for a large extended family and with good ground clearance and permanent 4WD its ideal for driving on badly maintained Californian roads and those late-night trips to desert border crossings. Tinted windows also come as standard, so there no need for nosey gringos to know what (or whom) you’re carrying in the spacious luggage area.”

Mr Wornbearing says in marketing terms, it’s a big improvement on the Chevy Redneck, which failed to generate much sales in the mid-west:

“The Redneck wasn’t a bad vehicle, but it was targeted at a shrinking demographic – there just aren’t that many middle-income whites with lots of kids these days. And obviously the name didn’t go down well in the coastal blue states.”

Motoring critic David Highgear had reservations about the vehicles “loud and in your face” styling, but was very impressed with its safety features:

“The new anti-skid breaking system is a real step ahead for GM and the car will automatically slow if you try to run a red light or get too close to the vehicle in front. Around town it practically drives itself – which is really important when you’re talking about a demographic that includes a lot of drivers without valid licences.”

Obama woos white nationalists

October 6, 2012

As the Democrats seek to widen their already diverse voter base in anticipation of a tight second term election, Obama opened his “50 shades of Obama” campaign with a pleasingly hostile reception in West Virginia last weekend.

A large crowd of angry whites from across the South turned up to voice their frustrations over his disappointingly middle-of-the-road first term. A David Duke supporter commented that Obama just hasn’t done enough to offend reactionary whites in his first four years:

“Whites need to get angry, but they can only do that if the country really does fall apart. But besides interfering in Arizona’s immigration law, Obama just hasn’t pissed off white America as much as we’d hoped. So far we’ve only seen light weight Clinton-style reforms and socialised medicine, next term we want to see some really ambitious Great Society-style screw ups. At present, Romney’s raising more honky hackles with his election appeals in Spanish.”

North Carolina skinhead Mark Blunt put it more succinctly – “the time for pussy socialism is over, we want to see the real New Deal.”

Anticipating that right-wing whites are waning of his self-styled Lincoln persona, the President took the opportunity to re-label himself as “Magic Johnson,” and turned up on stage wearing a Public Enemy T-shirt and low-slung jeans, and accompanied by a pair of submissive looking blondes.

Minuteman Gary Shultz was one of many who warmed to the new image:

“I delighted the President has gone for a more “bad ass,” openly anti-white  image. I think the tougher Johnson persona will resonate really well with our older supporters.”

The President talked of the need to widen tax reforms to all white income groups:

We can’t just tax wealthy whites, even the Republicans are doing that these days. We need to increase taxes for middle class and working class whites too. Of course there will be tax exemptions for whites in mixed-race relationships, but the main focus will be on working that vital white tax base on which this increasingly diverse and vibrant country depends.”

Obama’s next campaign meeting will be in Austin, Texas, where he will talk about the need for suppressing state’s rights and the ambitious new programme he has in place for expanding global government.

Why can’t you just accept the empirical evidence!

March 6, 2012

 

A modest proposal

March 5, 2012

In 1918 the German Army revolutionised warfare with the introduction of storm troopers – small units of highly trained elite troops who could carry out carefully coordinated attacks on enemy positions to clear the way of a general advance.

Here at Commonwealth Contrarian our far-seeing boffins have come up with a new type of combatant for the 21st Century – the reactionary invective trooper (RIT).

Instead of using small arms or artillery, RITs employ the psychological weapon of politically incorrect verbal abuse. Armed with powerful megaphonic equipment and the latest in protective clothing, the RIT can engage non-western combatants from a range of several hundred metres with lethal phrases such as “rag head,” “dune coon”, and “camel humper”. Prior to going out into the field our invective troopers will be intensively trained as trolls on anti-racist internet blog sites, and baited by lesbian Marxist drill instructors to get them ready to go into battle in peak mental condition.

One of the great advantages of using RITs, instead of more costly options like drones and cluster bombs, is the minimum amount of collateral damage incurred. Exhaustive studies at Belarus State University (the only academic institution politically incorrect enough to carry out these tests) have shown that children under 16 and adults over 65 are largely immune to abusive ethnic slurs delivered at moderate decibels .

Unfortunately as with any new innovation, our RIT programme has its Luddite detractors. Critics at UCLA and Minnesota State University have called it “grossly inhumane” and “a grave threat to global peace”. As one sociology professor at UCLA lamented:

“Before the era of hate speech laws, ethnic slurs caused untold psychological damage in the western world. Now these people want to unleash such hateful material on developing nations – they’re insane”.

Certainly there is potential for this technology to be misused. But don’t dismiss ethnically abusive language because of its negative past. In the 1920s the Thompson sub-machine gun was a popular choice of gangsters and hit men, but it went on to play a vital role in defeating the Axis during World War Two.

Going forward, we believe the path to global democracy and prosperity will be assured if RITs are responsibly employed in troublesome combat zones.

Populist humour from Uncle Sam

February 15, 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aryan liberalism

February 13, 2012

Are your political views as fair as your hair?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe you should consider –

University of Minnesota Duluth

“The Nordic Liberal College”

Chimp humour classic

January 15, 2012

With chimps in the news of late, here’s one of the classic TV commercials for PG Tips Tea.