Archive for the ‘The shallot’ category

GM has high hopes for new La Raza

June 2, 2013

Detroit – General Motors unveiled a new mid-sized SUV/ people career this week which is specially targeting at America’s growing Hispanic population

Set against a South-western desert back drop, the new Chevrolet La Raza appeared at this week’s motor show in militant red with garish chrome wheels, adjustable hydraulic suspension, red, green and white interior trim and black tinted windows.

CEO Mark Wornbearing hopes to win over at least 20 percent of Hispanic new car buyers with the La Raza, which has a number of features specifically designed for Hispanic motorists:

“The La Raza has been meticulously designed from the ground up with the Hispanic market in mind. It has more than adequate seating for a large extended family and with good ground clearance and permanent 4WD its ideal for driving on badly maintained Californian roads and those late-night trips to desert border crossings. Tinted windows also come as standard, so there no need for nosey gringos to know what (or whom) you’re carrying in the spacious luggage area.”

Mr Wornbearing says in marketing terms, it’s a big improvement on the Chevy Redneck, which failed to generate much sales in the mid-west:

“The Redneck wasn’t a bad vehicle, but it was targeted at a shrinking demographic – there just aren’t that many middle-income whites with lots of kids these days. And obviously the name didn’t go down well in the coastal blue states.”

Motoring critic David Highgear had reservations about the vehicles “loud and in your face” styling, but was very impressed with its safety features:

“The new anti-skid breaking system is a real step ahead for GM and the car will automatically slow if you try to run a red light or get too close to the vehicle in front. Around town it practically drives itself – which is really important when you’re talking about a demographic that includes a lot of drivers without valid licences.”

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Obama woos white nationalists

October 6, 2012

As the Democrats seek to widen their already diverse voter base in anticipation of a tight second term election, Obama opened his “50 shades of Obama” campaign with a pleasingly hostile reception in West Virginia last weekend.

A large crowd of angry whites from across the South turned up to voice their frustrations over his disappointingly middle-of-the-road first term. A David Duke supporter commented that Obama just hasn’t done enough to offend reactionary whites in his first four years:

“Whites need to get angry, but they can only do that if the country really does fall apart. But besides interfering in Arizona’s immigration law, Obama just hasn’t pissed off white America as much as we’d hoped. So far we’ve only seen light weight Clinton-style reforms and socialised medicine, next term we want to see some really ambitious Great Society-style screw ups. At present, Romney’s raising more honky hackles with his election appeals in Spanish.”

North Carolina skinhead Mark Blunt put it more succinctly – “the time for pussy socialism is over, we want to see the real New Deal.”

Anticipating that right-wing whites are waning of his self-styled Lincoln persona, the President took the opportunity to re-label himself as “Magic Johnson,” and turned up on stage wearing a Public Enemy T-shirt and low-slung jeans, and accompanied by a pair of submissive looking blondes.

Minuteman Gary Shultz was one of many who warmed to the new image:

“I delighted the President has gone for a more “bad ass,” openly anti-white  image. I think the tougher Johnson persona will resonate really well with our older supporters.”

The President talked of the need to widen tax reforms to all white income groups:

We can’t just tax wealthy whites, even the Republicans are doing that these days. We need to increase taxes for middle class and working class whites too. Of course there will be tax exemptions for whites in mixed-race relationships, but the main focus will be on working that vital white tax base on which this increasingly diverse and vibrant country depends.”

Obama’s next campaign meeting will be in Austin, Texas, where he will talk about the need for suppressing state’s rights and the ambitious new programme he has in place for expanding global government.